This shrine is dedicated to Sam, the love of my life, the glimmer of hope during my bleakest days, and my lover.

God, where do I even begin?

You are genuinely the most gorgeous, kind, and caring person I have ever met in my life. Our love isn't exactly romantic, but it's still love nonetheless; we're lovers in arms, eachother's saving graces, so on and so forth... I mean, who needs romance when you have two aros and queerplatonic relationships? It's still the most fufilling and best relationship I have ever been in, and I couldn't be more grateful for you. I'm so glad we met, mi amor. <3

I met you at one of my lowest points, if not the lowest point in my life. I'm not going to go into depth here, however I will say that I was in an abusive friendship, and I didn't have any friends outside of that friend group. But then you came in, and it was almost like you swept me up, off my feet; saving me the way a knight would save a damsel in distress. That's cheesy as hell, but you really are the only reason why I survived that time. Without you, I don't think I'd even be alive right now! You were the only good part of that bleak time, where I felt like there was no hope.

Since then, you've inspired me everyday to be a better person. You're the reason why I started to get happier, which led to me getting new friends and developing the single best friend group I have ever been in (hi Papa Louie!). I wasn't perfect, and I'll never be perfect, but that's ok. I'm improving myself as the days go on, and you are the root cause of me being a better person.

But, even before we were together, I was head over heels for you. I remember the butterflies I got in my stomach whenever I saw you in my notifications on my ooooooooooooooooooold ass Tumblr account. Whenever you sent me an ask, I got so excited and answered it almost immediately. I remember this one time when I asked you, jokingly, if you wanted to hold hands while listening to Lemon Demon, and you said yes, also jokingly. Well, now with what we both know, I don't think that was very jokingly; though, at the time, it made me feel something. I wasn't sure what, but it made me feel nice and warm and fuzzy inside.

A few nights later, while at my dad's when he was at his old house, I had a dream where one of my mutuals confessed to me. Unfortunately, it wasn't you, 'cause my brain's weird like that, but when I woke up I realized something.

I had a crush on you.

Although it wasn't you confessing to me in the dream, I still could easily deduce that it was about you somehow. The feeling of love made my stomach churn in a good way, like the same butterflies in my tummy and soft, warm, and fuzzy feeling I got whenever I talked to you. Everything made sense in that moment. I was in love with you.

A few more nights later, I'm asking my (now ex-)friends if I should confess. They all said yes, so naturally I decided that I was gonna confess that night. I slid into your inbox, wrote something about how I had a crush on you, and waited impatiently. You replied to a few other asks of mine that day, so I replied to those posts and told you to check your inbox repeatedly because I was really nervous about how you would reply.

You said that you did, and then you responded to my confession. And that moment, I looked into it hesitantly, nervously-

You said yes.

You said something about how you felt the same way, so I asked if that meant we were QPPs now, and you said yes. I was grinning and kicking my legs and squealing so loudly and so happily. I told my (now ex-)friends about it too, and they congratulated me. I was so, so happy; I don't think I've ever been as happy as I was in that moment.

Admittedly, though, I was a bit nervous that I wasn't ready for a relationship, especially with how some past relationships were... well. Pretty fuckin' rocky. Besides, I wasn't even truly in love until I met you! You were the reason why I felt love for the very first time, and I couldn't ask for anyone else to make me love the same way I love you. You taught me I could be in a healthy, fufilling relationship - actually, more than that. You taught me I could truly love.

It's been almost two years since that fateful day now, and all of that still applies. I couldn't ask for a better person to be with, my love; we've been through thick and thin together. Our Lemon Demon hyperfixations, my Human Centipde phase (*shudders*), generally when I was an embarrassing 13 year old, and so much more I can't fit in here. I'm so glad I get to spend the rest of my life with you, even if we are so, so far away from eachother... though, one day, we will be together forever, I promise!

I love you so, so much, Sam. I can't say that about anyone else but you. Thank you for being in my life, my love.

Our songs:
  • Between You And Me - Lemon Demon (the ultimate SamLuci song!)
  • Geeks In Love - Lemon Demon
  • Watch As I Perform My Own Tracheotomy - Talkshow Boy
  • (Any song from that album too, to be honest)
  • Apple Pie - The Scary Jokes
  • Crushed Out On Soda Beach - The Scary Jokes
  • Bets Against The Void - The Scary Jokes
  • My Boy (Twin Fantasy) - Carseat Headrest
  • MG1 - Machine Girl
  • Quotes that make me think of you:

    "Before you, I was nothing."
    - Kaiba, 2008

    "having a short boyfriend is all fun and games until he gets carried off by a bird of prey"
    - 4ry4 on tumblr

    "Waiting for everything to fall into place / So far a distance just to see face to face / Between you and me, I think rules don't apply / Between you and me is a space we can walk if we try"
    - Between You And Me, Lemon Demon

    "They have no roses / Subconsciously they envy us a lot / They're looking down their noses / And see a couple of dorks with more love than they have got"
    - Geeks In Love, Lemon Demon

    "Wait! Please, don't go... I want to discuss one last human emotional phenomenon with you. I want to ask what you know... about... l-..."
    -Valcom, Heartbeeps