BURN PYGMALION!!!
A Better Guide To Romance

Burn Pygmalion is a concept album released in 2019 by the extremely talented artist, Liz Lehman of The Scary Jokes. The album describes the relationship between a journalist, Jeanine (the pink one on the album cover), and a rockstar, Sylvia (the green one on the album cover).

In the first half, Jeanine and Sylvia hit it off, and eventually start dating. However, one day, Sylvia has to be away from home for a few days for a concert tour, so she asks Jeanine to watch over her house for her. Jeanine's all like "yeah, sure! I got it!" But in the second half, because of the distance, she ends up spiraling because she's terrifed that Sylvia left her, especially since she's all fucked up from some previous relationships she had.

Each song in the first half is a bit more calm, a bit more cheery with lots and lots of lyrics about love, and generally feels like you're listening to Jeanine and Sylvia's thoughts + conversations (especially Community Gardens and Starstruck!). It feels like the calm before the storm. But, once Admire The Architecture starts, you're witnessing the end of that calm. The second half has more erratic songs, with lyrics about obsession; more about fear, loneliness, but still about love - an unhealthy love.

Finally, the storm ends at Crushed Out On Soda beach, which is commonly interpreted as the song when Sylvia finally comes back. And after that, the album closes with Bets Against The Void - it's left up to interpretation whether or not this song is about Sylvia and Jeanine parting. Personally, I like to stay optimistic and interpret it as that they stayed together, and Sylvia helped Jeanine try to unwarp her views on relationships.

My thoughts + rankings

Oh, god, where do I even begin?

This album is the soundtrack of when I was 13. Like, holy shit! I listened to this the entire year I was 13 during many points, both high and low. I listened to this when I cut off contact with my abuser. I listened to this when an ex friend left without a word. I listened to this when I ended up in the looney bin because of a different abuser. As of writing this, I'm listening to it on loop! Basically: this album means so, so much to me.

It's genuinely one of the most gorgeous sounding albums I've ever listened to - actually, scratch that, this is the most gorgeous album I've ever listened to! If I had to choose one word to describe this album, it would be gorgeous. The cover is gorgeous. The music is gorgeous. The singing is gorgeous. The fucking lyrics are gorgeous! Literally everything about it is gorgeous. I say that without exaggeration.

That said, this album saved my life many, many times. This album means so much to me for many different reasons, actually - it made me realize I'm a lesbian. It helped me cope with the loss of someone who I latched onto like a parasite, except I wasn't the one winning. So on and so forth. I've listened to this so much it feels like it's been ingrained within my soul; in fact, I know every lyric by heart! And yes, I'm being completely serious.

Enough dykery, let's get to the ratings of each song.

1. Crushed Out On Soda Beach
2. Bets Against The Void
3. Sylvia's Just A Dying Fad
ok actually fuck it this entire album is the number one FUCK YOU!!!!! im not ranking each song because THEYRE ALL SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!