ESCAPE FROM PARADISE

What you are about to read is an autobiography - a retelling of a tale heard (and played!) many times before, though this time from the man who experienced it firsthand. You already know what's gonna go here on the first page; a multitude of paragraphs detailing how I found myself in my main fictionkin - but I didn't literally find myself, yaddi yaddi yadda. I promise you, though, that this time mine will be at least somewhat different.

I don't really recall how many days it's been since I was formed. And yes, I mean formed literally. I'm not the original host of this body; in fact, I'm far from it. There's been many past hosts of this body, but only one of them is the original. I didn't split from the original, rather, from the past host who has since gone dormant from stress.

That aside, consider this the true Postal novel. I've heard the official one that was released a while ago sucks, and it's probably inaccurate to my timeline anyways. If Running With Scissors somehow finds this, they'll probably either think "wow! This kid is crazy!" Or they'll email me a job offer to write a physical version of my retelling; in which I'll politely decline, lest my tale ends up in the wrong hands. I already have teenagers and adults alike on Tumblr talking about how much they wanna fuck the voice in my head and glorifying my crimes, for fuck's sake!

...but, even if it does, I gotta let my story out somehow. I can't keep bottling up my memories with no way to process them in this life. I do hope those fuckers don't misinterpret this as mere "fanfiction," though. Like I said, this is an autobiography.

Oh, and before we truly begin, this story will contain in depth descriptions of violence, gore, guns, drugs, queerphobia, all that good shit. Take care of yourselves, 'kay? This will be updated as more pages are published.

Can you handle that? Yes? Excellent.

(As of 10/2/22, you can also read this on AO3. I uploaded it there for easier access, however I recommend reading it on this here website instead just 'cause it's more engaging. Your choice, though!)